uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
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One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
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2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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