I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
