I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
