did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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