All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
