My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
