i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
My penis needs a shock collar
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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