so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
