Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
