Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
