Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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