Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
