thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Randomize
