So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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