Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
