I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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