you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
