just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
they're like a gay fantastic four
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
