wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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