She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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