I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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