i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
this beer tastes like vomit already
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
