guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
