people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
