i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Randomize
