I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
