Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
