Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you traded sex for a burrito?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
