You can't special order awesome
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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