I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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