The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
