Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
