To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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