you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
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She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
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Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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