she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
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I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
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I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
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