Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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