I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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