JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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