At least make sure they are 18
Why
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
