my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
