i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
