you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I am one with the molecules
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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