But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
