There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
There r osticjed everywhere
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
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