Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize