i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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