So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Come see our sink grown plant.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
