I wanna passion pit in your ass
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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