smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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