he was CRYING into my vagina
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
