Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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