My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
