i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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