The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
