Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
