Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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