I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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