she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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