You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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