I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
