In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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