thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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