First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
