no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
