You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
