I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
It's blow job season.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
