there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
