Having a random hookup so left but love u
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Randomize
