Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
