I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize