the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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