one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
