He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
