Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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