This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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