I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
