he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
