Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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